Can I go on a diet?

Asked my SIX year old daughter the other night.

Seems some kids at school have been calling her fat.

And as much as a part of me wants to strangle them, part of me realizes kids are kids and while Soph isn't obese, she also isn't what you'd call svelte.  What she IS though, is beautiful, healthy, sensitive, and just a tad on the stout side.

And she wants to go on a diet.

And she's SIX!

Apparently I'm at a loss for words, (other than diet and six.)

So, we've been talking a lot about healthy eating and exercise and bodies being different.  I've told her that she can choose to eat fewer sweets if she wants to, and that we'll try as a family to have healthy meals, but that no, she cannot go on a diet (and frankly, she probably doesn't actually know what that even means) because she is not fat, and also, SHE IS SIX YEARS OLD GODDAMMIT.

This is the part where I could type pages and pages about my relationship with my body, how I have a hard time taking care of myself, eating disorders, cultural expectations, blah, blah, blah, but I've done that here many, many times, and frankly, I'm bored with it.  I am just so sad and feel so guilty that my issues have already rubbed off on my sweet, sweet Sophie Gene.

Balls.

I do want her to be healthy.  I do want her to feel comfortable in her skin.  I do want her to enjoy physical activities like I never have.  But I guess I'm not doing enough to facilitate that.

SO, yesterday we went to the pool after school and had a really fun time.  I'm going to TRY and go swimming with her (which she loves) 2 or 3 times a week an see if a little exercise will make us both feel more fit and less fat.  (Although getting the legs, pits, and nether region swim-worthy 3 times a week is just a bit more with the hedge clipping than I generally like to do in the winter months.)

We're also going to menu plan together, and spend more time in the kitchen feeding ourselves in healthy ways.

Is that to much?  Is it too little?

Damn.

Comment whore wants to know:  What do I do about the kids who are calling her fat?  Talk to teachers?  Parents?  Ignore it?

 

Comments

[Lonna]

I wish had some better advice. My child psych students are shocked when 10 year old girls talk about weight, and I point out to them that it start much younger. I'm just sorry that it's hitting Sophie so young. She really is beautiful and sensitive and it can really suck to be a girl. I think I was about 6 or 7 when I started getting crap about my weight. I think that you may want to talk to Sophie's teachers. They may be able to do a kind of "love the skin I'm in" kind of thing with the kids. That way they won't be yelling at the jerky kids, but they'll be increasing the awareness of accepting each other the way we are. Everybody has something about them that is "teasable". Other than that I think you are doing the right things. People do have choices about how they handle their bodies, but our bodies are also all different. Biology and genetics seems to play a greater role than people want to admit. It's not just as easy as eat less and expend more by working out. If it was that easy more people would be successful at losing weight. I think that's important to talk about health and not looks, which it sounds like you are. Good for you. Sorry this is long, but I've dealt with the same issues and I'm a psychologist on top of it. Good luck.

[MJ]

Thanks Lonna. I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment.

[patrice]

man, I wish I knew what to tell you. similar in some ways: at one point, the kids at trent's school (this was maybe 4th grade) started teasing him because he wore GAP stuff. because GAP meant gay and proud. I may have blogged it. as an adult, or really someone over 10 years old, I could tell how dumb that was. so there's the issue and there's the feelings it creates. the feelings are so hard to help with. how do you make your child not feel horrible? I wanted to replace all the horrible kids with nice, loving ones, or with myself, actually. and it wouldn't have mattered had I told the teacher - it would be something else and now he'd be the kid whose mom said something. it was so hard. but it passed. and that's where the similarity may end, because this was a fleeting thing. kids seem to attack more on things having to do with looks and weight.

I think the only thing positive that I got out of trent's experience was to use it to make sure trent didn't ridicule anyone else for things like that. little consolation.

in closing, I'm so sorry this is happening and I hope that the light shines on the right thing to do for you. and I'm sorry I'm no help.

[~A~]

I think you're hitting it just right with the way you're handling it. MM is a bit on the stout side. He's by far from fat but compared to the ultra lean bodies of his other sibs, he's not built like them. We talked about what is obese and what is healthy for kids, after all they are growing, and some kids like MM grow a little out and then grow a lot up, then a little out and then up again. It's just making sure that by the time he hits that last last up that he has healthy eating habits in place so that he doesn't grow out.

MM can easily out eat the average adult too. So we have been working on him to know when he's full and when he's eating just because the food tastes good.

About the jerky kids, I just tell the kids that those type of kids are not worth their time acknowledging. They have their own issues that they have to put down other kids. Soph doesn't want to have them as friends.

Self esteem - Check in to GS/Dove Uniquely ME! program. Even though they're geared more for the older girls they have stuff for every age level. http://www.girlscouts.org/program/program_opportunities/leadership/uniquelyme.asp

[Kat]

My heart is breaking for your beautiful little girl. It's so hard to have your peers ridicule you. Especially for something like weight, which is such a cheap target, and so, well like you said, we could talk it to death.

I think you're dealing with it in exactly the right way. I don't have any experience with teachers so I'm not much help. Might it exacerbate the problem if the other kids are told not to say things like that to her?

Phew, heavy stuff. I'm sorry it's happening so soon!

[Nicole]

SO sad. Poor Sophie.
It's so heartbreaking to realize how the world is going to injure our children and we won't be able to shelter them from it all.
I think what you are doing is perfect.
If you can get the teachers to do what Lonna says, that would be ideal. But for the most part I don't know that you can do much good. Bully kids will bully. It stinks.